NEW YORK DAILY NEWS
Tuesday, November 22, 2016, 6:29 PM
Marrying a Kardashian is like being struck by a dumb bus: Even if a guy goes in at the top of his game, how much of a numbskull does he have to be to not know that at some point he’s going to end up: a crackhead, a crackpot, a drunk, a bum, a lunatic, a loser, a woman, a jerk, broke, broken and/or befuddled.
And that’s just if the shell-shocked schmo doesn’t end up strapped to a bed or comatose in a cathouse. Or worse — dehydrated!
Now the Kardashian Kurse has hit Kanye. On Monday, Yeezus/Saint Pablo was taken out of his trainer’s place strapped to a gurney, ranting incoherently. This after days of making an even bigger fool of himself than usual.
Shortly before canceling his tour altogether, he got up on stage and ranted about Beyoncè, Jay Z and (not again!) Taylor Swift, sang three songs and stormed off.
The Kanye camp says Yeezus is suffering from dehydration, exhaustion, and a spiritual attack.
Meantime, wife Kim, who since being robbed in Paris has been in a Kardashian form of seclusion (she’s cut back on selfies), had to skip a post-Paris public re-emergence at a New York City fund-raiser with her toxic momanger and man-mangling sisters. She immediately flew back to Los Angeles to be at the side of her sainted husband, who is, they tell us, incoherent because he’s, yes, dehydrated.
So wait — all of this could have been avoided with Gatorade?
Kanye’s spinners have also admitted, however, that he’s not just dehydrated but also under spiritual attack. Don’t you hate when that happens? Dehydrated and spiritually banged up? Damn.
Kim Kardashian rushed to her hubby’s side as he coped with dehydration.
(Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)
But hey, Yeezus/Saint Pablo has had this problem before. Remember when he said he understood reincarnation because “… the first time I was in the Gucci store in Chicago was the closest I’ve ever felt to home.”
Kanye’s people then added — wait for it — he’s not just dehydrated and spiritually besieged, but also suffering from exhaustion. Seriously? Firefighters who carry people out of burning buildings suffer exhaustion. Living in luxury with naked women? Not so much.
OK, there’s no denying that the Kardashian women are exceptionally good looking (and through the miracle of high-speed plastic surgery and breaking the botox bank, they’re even better than nature imagined) which can be very seductive.
Lamar Odom is another victim of the Kardashian curse.
(Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for Yeezy Season 3)
But marrying one of them is like hooking up with Greek goddess Circe, the one who seduced men and then turned them into pigs.
The Kardashian women have turned their world-class athlete men into drug addicts, international schmucks, and, in once case, a woman. The no-talent slacker husband even had the nerve to try his hand at being a playboy. Now Kanye believes he’s a living saint. Somebody should tell him he’s not going to be mistaken for reincarnated Saint Anthony any time soon. A bloviating buffoon who’s gone off his rocker, yes. Saint Anthony, no.
Although the Kardashians ARE the only women on the planet who have babies just to shrink their waistlines, remember fellas, all that flesh don’t come cheap.
Kanye West performs in New York City in 2014.
It’s like sticking a needle in your arm for the first time thinking, “I can do this without getting addicted.”
Right. The next thing you know you’re face-down in a cat house in Vegas — or worse — dehydrated in Los Angeles.